How to Cope as an Adult with Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is often thought of as something only children experience. But for many adults, the fear of being away from loved ones can feel just as intense—even if they don’t always recognize it as separation anxiety.
💭 Do you feel panicked or uneasy when a loved one leaves?
📞 Do you constantly check in with your partner or friends for reassurance?
😞 Do you struggle with intense loneliness or fear of abandonment?
If so, you’re not alone. Adult separation anxiety is real, and it can impact relationships, work, and overall well-being. The good news? You can learn to manage it.
Let’s explore what separation anxiety looks like in adults, why it happens, and how to build emotional security—without fear taking over.
What Is Adult Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety happens when being apart from a loved one triggers excessive worry, fear, or distress.
It can look like:
🔹 Feeling panicked when a partner, friend, or family member leaves
🔹 Constantly checking in for reassurance (texts, calls, social media)
🔹 Avoiding being alone or dreading time apart
🔹 Feeling physically unwell (racing heart, nausea, restlessness)
🔹 Fear that something bad will happen to your loved one
It’s normal to miss the people we care about—but when the fear of separation interferes with daily life, relationships, or independence, it may be time to explore coping strategies.
Why Do Adults Experience Separation Anxiety?
1️⃣ Fear of Abandonment or Rejection
Many adults with separation anxiety have a deep fear of being left behind or forgotten. This can stem from:
Childhood experiences (such as inconsistent caregivers or early loss)
Past relationships where trust was broken
Attachment styles that make it hard to feel secure in connections
Even if you logically know your loved one isn’t leaving forever, your brain may still react as if separation is a threat.
2️⃣ Anxiety and Overthinking
People with general anxiety are more likely to experience separation anxiety because they’re already prone to worst-case scenario thinking.
“What if something bad happens while they’re away?”
“What if they realize they don’t need me?”
“What if they forget about me?”
These thoughts can intensify feelings of panic, neediness, or distress when apart from a loved one.
3️⃣ Codependency or Loss of Identity
Some people struggle with separation anxiety because they rely on others for emotional stability.
Feeling like you’re only "okay" when a specific person is around
Struggling to enjoy activities alone
Feeling lost without constant contact
When your emotional well-being depends too much on someone else, time apart can feel unbearable.
How to Cope with Separation Anxiety as an Adult
1️⃣ Challenge Anxious Thoughts
When separation anxiety flares up, try fact-checking your thoughts.
Instead of:
❌ “If they’re not texting back, something bad must have happened.”
Try:
✅ “They might be busy, and that doesn’t mean they’re ignoring me.”
Instead of:
❌ “If they leave, they might not come back.”
Try:
✅ “They care about me, and they will return.”
Your thoughts are not always reality—reminding yourself of this can help reduce anxious spirals.
2️⃣ Strengthen Your Sense of Self
Separation anxiety often worsens when your identity feels tied to another person. Building independence and self-trust can make time apart feel safer.
Engage in solo hobbies 🎨, 📚, 🚴
Develop self-soothing techniques (breathing exercises, journaling)
Spend intentional time alone to build confidence in being on your own
The more you trust yourself to handle time apart, the less anxiety will control you.
3️⃣ Create Comforting Rituals for Time Apart
If separation feels overwhelming, set up small rituals that make it easier.
💌 Send a reassuring text before parting ways.
📅 Plan the next time you’ll see each other to create security.
🎶 Listen to calming music or do an activity you enjoy during separation.
Knowing you have a plan for connection can reduce the distress of being apart.
4️⃣ Practice Gradual Exposure to Being Alone
If separation feels unbearable, start small:
Spend short periods apart and build up over time.
Avoid constant texting or checking in—give yourself space to self-regulate.
Remind yourself: "Being apart does not mean being abandoned."
The more you practice sitting with discomfort, the easier separation will become.
5️⃣ Work on Secure Attachment and Communication
If separation anxiety is affecting relationships, open communication can create reassurance.
Instead of:
❌ Clinging or demanding constant reassurance
Try:
✅ Expressing needs calmly: "It helps me feel secure when we set plans ahead of time."
Instead of:
❌ Assuming the worst when apart
Try:
✅ Trusting that distance does not equal disconnection.
Secure relationships allow for independence while maintaining connection.
You Are Stronger Than Your Anxiety
Separation anxiety can feel overwhelming, but you are not powerless. By:
✨ Challenging anxious thoughts
✨ Building confidence in yourself
✨ Creating comforting rituals for time apart
✨ Practicing secure communication
You can learn to navigate separation without fear controlling you.
If separation anxiety is making life difficult, therapy for anxiety can help you break free from fear and build emotional resilience.
About the Author
Taylor Garff, M.Coun, LCPC, CMHC, LPC, is a licensed therapist with over 10 years of experience helping adults manage anxiety, overwhelm, and identity challenges. He is certified in HeartMath, Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP), and breathwork facilitation. Taylor is the founder of Inner Heart Therapy, where he provides online therapy across multiple states.
